Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Justin Hyde

philosophical conundrum

I like evolution
from B-present/

/where the fuck did it all come from/
that gives me trouble

assume big
/where the fuck did
big come from?/

organized religion is like
a bar night blowjob,
sucks you in
a rush of chemicals
leaving you flaccid,
running for
the door feeling slightly
I realized this
early on/
it was cemented
when the man
touched my sister/

it's never bothered
me before,
that I didn't know
"what the fuck
was up"

I ran rataplan
in some hedonistic
pancake dream/
chasing highs/
riding the low
out with a blanket
over the window/

but it's eating
at me now/

cunt ain't enough/
money don't do it/

I'm afraid that
i'll never know/

spend my life
farting on some
see saw -

- maybe this
maybe that -

it's not even
that i'll go to hell/
if that be,
that be/

it's just some
innate desire
to know
"what the
fuck is up"

because hey/
it ain't 50hour
Toyota Camry

and it
ain't wife
2.4 kid

don't take
no Kierkegaard
to know that ain't

the unrest
is crawlin like
worms in my head/

and it ain't the

be honest
with me/

you smoke
your cig/
drink your coffee/
smoke your
milk your baby/
suck your man
lick your woman's
clit at just the
right speed/
graduate your baby from college/
bury your father/
pull your mom off life support/


you know

it's not enough

but you turn your face
and keep on going
in that straight line/

well, I can't go
in that straight line

so for now

shoot this shit
under my fingernails

hug the

the word

Dixie Hyde

set our clocks 12 minutes fast
because growing up in Blairstown, IA
grandma had a punctuality

mom was
a thespian/she
was perpetually dropped
off late to practice/

her senior year/
late to the opening night of Grease/
12 min late/
she was the lead/
the understudy
mom watched

had such
a dreadful
of being late/

what time
is it what
time is it?
she'd ask

terrible bleeding
ulcers over it

started fisting codeine
and Oxycontin/
for the anxiety

helping my aunt Holly baste
the Thanksgiving bird some prepubescent November long since past
, she
said to me "either you go on like your parents/ or you go in the opposite direction"

all those
two did/

sit around
blaming grandma
over their
shit fisted lives/

I blame

and that Ford fucker who invented the assembly line/

I was Marlon Brando for a day

A racing friend
studied film at
the University of

I was eating
an omelet in
the student union
when he asked

"you want to
I got something you
would be good for"

I thought about
it between chews,
I wasn't going to
class, I knew that
much, and I was getting
burnt out on 9
ball and Budweiser
at the Que bar/

what is it"


he gave me the
"were just shooting
a couple of scenes"
he said

I rented the movie
that day/

some beast of
a man named
Stanley, completely
anathema to

beating women

I didn't know
if I could pull
it off/

on the day:

fisted a handful
of speed/
put on some tight
jeans and a tighter
white shirt/

was at a poker

it went like this/
i get wild and the boys
have to hold me back

i'm to much for em/
i hit Stella/
she runs/

i start wailing out the window/
call her on the phone/

she comes back
i drop on my knees,

pick her up/
off to the bedroom/

that's all i remember.

i got into it

the speed
and the thrill
of it

and roughed up
the boys to much/

the thin one
cried because
I scared him/

the camera people
and sound people
and director

looked at me in disbelief/
i was dripping sweat/
heart jumping
out of my chest

"what the fuck
do you want from
I screamed/

my friend
kevin calmed

the scene where
I dropped to my knees
in front of Stella
was done on concrete

we took it 3 times/

I fucked up my
meniscus because
I wanted it right/

the thing creaks
now when I walk/

i've got a tape
of it/

and it all looks
pretty silly now/


the little lolly pop
they got to play

she thought
i was something/

we got brained
on 1$ long islands
at the Field House

fucked liked
the dirty animals
we are/

she asked me
to choke her/

and I did/

i asked her
to slap me across
the face/

she did/

we quivered
in each others

I started

nothing has
been as

Justin Hyde: My name is Justin Hyde, I live in Des Moines, IA. I was diagnosed with cyclothymic disorder in 1998. I am skeptical of psychology/psychiatry. I have a BS in psychology.

Dave Ruslander Steve Dalachinsky Lawrence Upton JodiAnn Stevenson Christopher Barnes Justin Hyde Alex Nodopaka Robert McLean Review

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